Did you miss the signs?

"The problem isn't that you 'missed the signs' of your partners sexual addiction or affairs. The problem is that you were purposely deceived by them.

This is something I hear a lot of. A lot, a LOT of.

“How could I not have known?”
“I’m so stupid!”
“Why was I so blind?”

It’s so painful grappling with the idea that the person you trusted the most purposely lied to you. Purposely hid infidelity, purposely made choices that wounded you.

It can feel terrifying to process through if there was something we should have or could have done to not be deceived.

But the reality is - the reason you didn’t know was because they wanted it that way. They took advantage of your trust. Healthy relationships are based on trust. They are based on the mutual agreement of fidelity, and that if you trust someone, you WILL ‘miss the signs’

Because a healthy relationship is safe. If you feel safe, you don’t have to constantly look for danger.

In a healthy relationship, BOTH partners feel safe. Both partners trust. Both partners let their guard down. Both partners are transparent, honest and open.

You didn’t do anything wrong by ‘missing the signs’. In fact, it’s the opposite. You did something very right. You trusted a partner you felt safe with.

And that trust was taken advantage of.

I want to honour your vulnerability and trust, Because it’s so, so good.

And I pray that you cling to God in your heartbrokenness. That He wins you over with HIS loyalty, his kindness, his heart. That your heart is not hardened by the pain of betrayal, but softened in the face of Jesus.

Amen